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‘I’m worried that she doesn’t confide in me’

Dear njigirl,

i have tried several times to prove to my girlfriend that she can confide in me but it still doesn’t work out the way I want it to be. She knows almost everything about me while I know just little about her and when I ask her why she doesn’t trust me she says that she doesn’t know and think I’ll be able to keep her secrets.

So she tends to keep things to herself and says I ask too many questions of which she would sometimes and most times not answer me. Honestly I don’t know what to do and I will not want to lose her to another guy
Please what do I do and how do I make her trust me?
ν Padio

Dear Padio,

The truth is that most people have some level of uncertainty about whom they should trust or not trust. Many people make conscious efforts about who to trust, when to trust and how much to trust. Your girlfriend is not weird, she is just cautious about knowing and understanding you well before placing her trust in you.

But it is also noteworthy to point out that when a person is excessively mistrustful about another person (especially a potential partner) then that person can be said to have trust issues which can be a serious problem. There are some signs that will indicate that a person has a serious trust problem such as:

One who is very skeptical of intimacy and friendships;

When the trust interferes with normal relationship or day-to-day activities;

When one is not able to keep a steady relationship;

Suspicions about everyone;


Conviction that everyone is deceptive without any evidence

I am not sure that your girlfriend understands that the inability to have trust in a relationship can lead to major problems resulting in a break-up.

An easy way to help her build trust is to improve how you communicate. Communicate more and be willing to be open with each other. Understand that feeling insecure can lead to trust issues, so help her to build her self-esteem and do things that she enjoys on her own. Have you considered that she might have had some past hurts that might be making her to trust less?

You may have to dig some more to find out why she is the way she is. If she struggles to trust you due to past hurts, consider asking her to get therapy to work through these problems.

Padio, you cannot make her trust you but you can do things that will entice her to fully love and trust you. Begin with changing your manner of communication. Rather than be accusatory in your tone and approach, learn to be conciliatory and diplomatic at all times.

Learn to not “sweat the small stuff.” Do not make a federal case of finding out why she came back an hour late from work the other day. 

Do not assume she is hiding something just because she is not sharing things about herself with you just yet.

Do not also assume that because your life is an open book, hers ought to be. Some people are just configured that way; they are not an “open book.”

Take things easy with her, slowly but surely she will begin to confide in you if you treat her with love and respect.

ν Dr. NJ

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This post was syndicated from The Sun News. Click here to read the full text on the original website.


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